Jessie Ruhl, Pleasant Valley Baptist Church, charged w/ misdemeanor child molestation

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

(03-13-2012 07:26 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Would it make more sense if his wife were not beautiful?

But even having an ugly wife doesn't justify the action or make it any more "ok". (Not disagreeing with you, senda. )

[Tiarali]

The thing is, I think most people realise now that judging people on a factor that is irrelevant to the issue isn't ok.

If someone is discussing a job applicant and says, "He's highly qualified and has experience in the position, which is surprising because he's black..." it's quite likely that someone would get offended by it. His race has nothing to do with whether or not he is the best candidate for the position.

Similarly, when we are discussing a man who has committed a sexual offence, his wife's desirability is completely irrelevant to the situation. She had nothing to do with the crime, so leave her out of it. The only time when it would be willing to even think of her is to offer her compassion, practical help or support, or prayers. She's a victim too.

No doubt there are many people who would say the above statement about the hypothetical job applicant and would think nothing of it, even complaining that anyone who took offence would be too politically correct. If they honestly cannot see that what they have said is offensive, then it says far more about them than it does about the person who objects.

I have read recently that most pedophiles are upstanding members of their communities who are involved in charities and volunteer work. If anyone ever sees anything suspicious, they then don't report it because "Mr X is a good man, I'm sure I'm mistaken, it must have been a one-off incident, nobody would believe me..." etc. It's all just an act to hide behind. All that really matters is, did he do it?

[GraceThruFaith]

Quote:Similarly, when we are discussing a man who has committed a sexual offence, his wife's desirability is completely irrelevant to the situation. She had nothing to do with the crime, so leave her out of it.

tiarali, I understand that this type of situation hits home with you, but I disagree with this. There is relevance, whether a lot or a little, but it's there. We are leaving the wife out of it by questioning her husband and why he would cheat on her. It's the husband's fault, not the wife.

I watched Funny People that other day. Leslie Mann's character says to Adam Sandler's character, "How could you cheat on me? I was so hot?" Adam said, "I don't even know what the fuck I was doing. I was just a stupid idiot." And this type of conversation is said by third party bystanders all the time when a spouse cheats on their better half: they're an idiot.

Physical attraction plays a big role in sex. That's why guys swoon over the hot girls: because they want to sleep with them because of their beauty. And that's why society condemns a person when they cheat on their attractive partner. Why are they looking for sex when they can have sex with their partner, especially their attractive partner. The cheater is at fault, not the cheated. The cheated did nothing wrong. Yes, being attractive does not automatically make you better at intercourse, but it makes people (ie your spouse) want to have intercourse with you. And that's why I don't get why Jessie Ruhl would cheat on his wife: because she's attractive and he went to a teen for a desire that his wife would better satisfy. He's an idiot, and I feel so sad for Mrs. Ruhl. She deserves better. Let me repeat: Mrs Ruhl did nothing wrong, it's not her fault, and she deserves better than an idiot.

[Elijah Craig]

Empathy isn't your strong suit, is it?

It seems to me that if you agree with everything I said then you wouldn't be surprised his wife was hot or go on about how attractiveness matters. Because I know I said more than once that the attractiveness of the wife had nothing to do with the other guy's sexual predilections.

[Elijah Craig]

ALSO.....

I don't know why you think it's an either/or situation. It's not like he has to chose between sex with his wife OR sex with a teenager. Most men can have sex more often than their wife is ready to put out. Unless he's 87 and she's 32 or something. Some rich guys keep 4-5 girlfriends and tap all of them on a regular basis. I mean... it just doesn't seem like a realistic view of sexual attraction at all.

There's THIS story how a man was busted with a street whore while his girlfriend looked like this:



Was she just not hot enough to keep his attention?

[GraceThruFaith]

Yeah, Hugh Grant. He's an idiot, just like Tony Parker and Jude Law. Look how hot Grant's ex-partner is, and he still cheats on her? And do you know what Hugh Grant said about it? "I think you know in life what's a good thing to do and what's a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it."

She was definitely hot enough to keep his attention (and every other straight male's), yet he was still whoring around with hookers. He obviously didn't treasure what he had.

[amyrose5]

(03-14-2012 05:10 AM)tiarali Wrote:  I have read recently that most pedophiles are upstanding members of their communities who are involved in charities and volunteer work. If anyone ever sees anything suspicious, they then don't report it because "Mr X is a good man, I'm sure I'm mistaken, it must have been a one-off incident, nobody would believe me..." etc. It's all just an act to hide behind. All that really matters is, did he do it?

And they love to be involved in things oriented toward kids for the access. This is why they are constantly found in churches and schools or involved in youth sports and charities working with children. We have to be vigilant about who is working with our kids and what they are doing with them. For every 500 great people who genuinely care about kids, there seems to be at least one Jerry Sandusky.

I got into an online argument today about this topic with a woman who thinks her children could never possibly be a victim of a pedophile because her family is not Catholic. And only Catholic priests do this because the priesthood causes pedophilia.

Wrong on all counts. Pedophiles of all religious persuasions are attracted to ministry if they think it will give them access to children. Just as they are attracted to working in schools, youth sports, etc...The only potential difference with a pedophile priest is that he won't have an attractive wife for cover.

[Tiarali]

A woman's attractiveness has nothing to do with whether or not a man will abuse a child because
a. the abuse is a power trip
b. he wants an underdeveloped body, so his wife's hot body may well be a turn off

Abuse is NOT THE SAME as having an affair. A woman's attractiveness has nothing to do with it. Neither has the victim's, actually. A vulnerable child is more likely to be chosen than an attractive one, especially a vulnerable child who can be manipulated into staying silent. Many victims were abused after they had a tragedy in their own life, such as their father's death.

Even in the case of having an affair, the entire turn on might be the perceived naughtiness off having sex with the taboo (someone other than one's spouse).

[Away-From-The-Umbrella]

Having spent a lot of time at Lancaster Baptist Church, I knew the alleged perv's wife from when she was a child. She is not only lovely, but a soft-spoken and generally nice person. She totally does not deserve to be married to such a low life, scum-sucking pig.

My major question is: Why is she staying with him? If he preyed on a teen once and is now dodging the law, why, oh why, is she putting herself and her dear little children through anymore of this? She certainly can not trust him. Will she really stand by silently while he slithers off to the next church and more prospective victims?

Perhaps she does not understand how predators operate and is mistakenly seeing this as a common affair. I can only imagine the really bad counseling she is getting from her home church and family.

Praying for her - that she will protect herself and her children and that her parents will help her escape this disaster.

[beensetfree]

(03-13-2012 01:29 PM)GraceThruFaith Wrote:  If you found my original comment offensive, fine, that's your prerogative, but I stand by what I said. But to imply that I think that the Jessie's wife is at fault is unwarranted. She isn't. My mindset is that I just do not understand how men can cheat on their beautiful wives, and I provided examples in my post (Tony Parker cheated on freakin' Eva Longoria, and Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller with their nanny). Are Eva and Sienna at fault, hell to the no! Tony and Jude are.

I caught that you put the onus on them, it was imperative in understanding what you said so it didn't offend me at all. I took the wife comment as tongue in cheek.