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Away-From-The-Umbrella · 02-07-2011, 04:11 AM

No longer having our family's scheduled determined by the church. They used to hand us a church calandar every "Watchnight Service" (New Years' Eve) for us to use the following year. Each and every church event was written on it and we were supposed to center our entire lives around that stupid thing.

"Oh no, pastor's anniversary...er, (now called) the Leadership Conference is in July, so we better not schedule our vacation that week or everyone will know we do not care for the things of God."

I strongly desired intellectual freedom. I so wanted to be able to say when I thought something was wrong without being told it was a sin to disagree with church leadership. Our pastor said that telling ANYONE you disagreed with leadership was a sin.

Smith · 02-07-2011, 08:48 AM

Like SuperNova, I was only part of the Fundamentalist Experience for about 7 years, but that 7 years was critical because it made changes in me that I never would have otherwise agreed or submitted to when clothed and in my right mind.

It took me 20+ to be free and KNOW it. I believe people go through several stages:

1. Stockholm Syndrome: You find yourself sympathizing with your captors (see Patti Hearst)
2. You notice something from your past (like, your family) and it jars your memory enough to plant the seed of "WTF am I doing?"
3. You start to rebel (in my case, it was the Rambo movies).
4. You do something bold that forces you to commit to action. (in my case, it was the classic "bullsh_t" cough during chapel...Jen and I have dicussed it.)

5. Somehow, that previous action emboldens you to drop everything and buy a plane ticket home.

6. You arrive home.

7. At first, you're happy, but lost and confused..you then "remember" to keep your testimony and all that stuff but the more you are in the world, the more disconnected you are.
8. It takes several months of feeling out of place, snarkyness, and an over-all hostility felt towards ANY churchy person before you start feeling comfortable in your own skin.
9. FINALLY, you wake up one morning...still breathing...limbs working properly and not bleeding our of every orifice to realize God doesn't hate you, has not sent out an Angel hit team after you and little by little, he starts working in your life to fulfill Phil 1.6.

Jenni · 02-07-2011, 10:44 AM

(02-07-2011 04:11 AM)Away-From-The-Umbrella Wrote: I so wanted to be able to say when I thought something was wrong without being told it was a sin to disagree with church leadership. Our pastor said that telling ANYONE you disagreed with leadership was a sin.

This is one of the scariest things I've found in Fundyism. The MOG is put on a pedastal and can't ever possibly be wrong, and this "pastoral perfection" spreads to the rest of the pastoral staff so that you dare not disagree with any of them. Any person who thinks s/he is always, always right had better stay away from metal poles during lightning storms.

Don · 02-07-2011, 11:28 AM

(02-07-2011 10:44 AM)Jenni Wrote:
(02-07-2011 04:11 AM)Away-From-The-Umbrella Wrote: I so wanted to be able to say when I thought something was wrong without being told it was a sin to disagree with church leadership. Our pastor said that telling ANYONE you disagreed with leadership was a sin.

This is one of the scariest things I've found in Fundyism. The MOG is put on a pedastal and can't ever possibly be wrong, and this "pastoral perfection" spreads to the rest of the pastoral staff so that you dare not disagree with any of them. Any person who thinks s/he is always, always right had better stay away from metal poles during lightning storms.

This is one of my personal windmills. The Americanized M-O-g claims to speak for God and it is not long before he claims to be god. (maybe not in word but most assuredly in deed)

supernova8610 · 02-07-2011, 11:58 AM

(02-07-2011 08:48 AM)Smith Wrote: Like SuperNova, I was only part of the Fundamentalist Experience for about 7 years, but that 7 years was critical because it made changes in me that I never would have otherwise agreed or submitted to when clothed and in my right mind.

It took me 20+ to be free and KNOW it. I believe people go through several stages:

1. Stockholm Syndrome: You find yourself sympathizing with your captors (see Patti Hearst)
2. You notice something from your past (like, your family) and it jars your memory enough to plant the seed of "WTF am I doing?"
3. You start to rebel (in my case, it was the Rambo movies).
4. You do something bold that forces you to commit to action. (in my case, it was the classic "bullsh_t" cough during chapel...Jen and I have dicussed it.)

5. Somehow, that previous action emboldens you to drop everything and buy a plane ticket home.

6. You arrive home.

7. At first, you're happy, but lost and confused..you then "remember" to keep your testimony and all that stuff but the more you are in the world, the more disconnected you are.
8. It takes several months of feeling out of place, snarkyness, and an over-all hostility felt towards ANY churchy person before you start feeling comfortable in your own skin.
9. FINALLY, you wake up one morning...still breathing...limbs working properly and not bleeding our of every orifice to realize God doesn't hate you, has not sent out an Angel hit team after you and little by little, he starts working in your life to fulfill Phil 1.6.

Sometimes I still have those IFB-mindset moments in my new church, where I find myself critisizing or wary about something...then I realize that what is going on is perfectly Biblical. It's like a light goes on in my head, reminding me what what's truly right and what passes as only man's standards.

galaxian · 04-01-2011, 05:28 PM

After leaving the fundy lifestyle, and Christianity as a whole for that matter, I found great joy in reading everything that was "bad". I just absorbed knowledge, and am still happy when I'm learning something new because it's not good or bad. I'm not looking over my shoulder to see who's watching! I can learn anything! Truly, ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is ecstasy in comparison.

exIFB · (This post was last modified: 04-01-2011 06:01 PM by exIFB.)

(02-07-2011 08:48 AM)Smith Wrote: 3. You start to rebel (in my case, it was the Rambo movies).

Have you seen Son of Rambow? It's about a little fundy (plymouth brethren, from actual plymouth) kid who sees a few minutes of Rambo at a kids house and it starts his family on a journey out of fundyland. It's more about the kid, but it does show the type of control that fundamentalists try to exhibit over others. Also, the movie is hilarious and quite touching, and surprisingly, unblasphemous.

Trailer:

Tony Mel · 04-01-2011, 06:23 PM

(04-01-2011 05:57 PM)exIFB Wrote: Have you seen Son of Rambow? It's about a little fundy (plymouth brethren, from actual plymouth) kid who sees a few minutes of Rambo at a kids house and it starts his family on a journey out of fundyland. It's more about the kid, but it does show the type of control that fundamentalists try to exhibit over others. Also, the movie is hilarious and quite touching, and surprisingly, unblasphemous.

Would you consider most Brethen fundy?

exIFB · 04-01-2011, 07:03 PM

Yes and No. The guys in the movie are depicted almost like exclusive brethren, and they street preach and stuff. But no, not all of them are. The one I attend occasionaly are not, except when it comes to the Lord's Supper. Trying to get them to use thimbles instead of one gross sloppy cup is like trying to move the earth.

notdrinkingthekoolaid · 04-08-2011, 04:47 PM

I'm not sure I've gotten to the place of total freedom, but I'm getting there!

There is a young man in our church who I LOVE to watch during worship time. He worships in wild abandon as if he's the only one there. It's never a show or fake, just an outward to expression of an inward belief. I want to be that guy one day.