Thin Skin

[Mommy2Kids]

This is something that's bothered me for awhile, and it seems to have escalated here a bit recently. I don't know if it's a result of my fundy background, but I'm always worried about how what I say or do will affect someone else. It has taken over a decade to get to the point where in certain aspects, I've given myself permission to not worry when it comes to my life decisions.

But I think there are still many situations where it is civil and Christian to not do things that will intentionally offend others.

That said, is it a fundy thing or just a human thing to be easily offended by others? I overthink things, and I don't know that people would think that I am easily hurt, but I am. Someone can walk past me at church without shaking my hand, and my first thoughts are that they must be mad at me. Someone else answers in a terse tone of voice, and they must hate me. Someone disagrees with me, and I'm being attacked.

SFL is supposed to be a safe place for EVERYone to voice their opinions, not just the opinions that are anti-fundy. If I still have a conservative viewpoint when it comes to appropriate language, and I voice that I should not be accused of "attacking" someone who freely uses the "F word".

I sense that the tone of the forums has changed recently. Maybe Darrell has a better perspective of that, IDK. I know there are certain people and threads that I have started avoiding. And that's ok. We're all here for different reasons and needs. I guess we all need to remember that, and maybe be a little kinder and a little more patient with each other.

[Darrell]

Quote:SFL is supposed to be a safe place for EVERYone to voice their opinions, not just the opinions that are anti-fundy.

Absolutely.

Quote: I guess we all need to remember that, and maybe be a little kinder and a little more patient with each other.

That's a good reminder.

I think the tone of the forums (and the blog and the world at large for that matter) is constantly in flux. People arrive. People leave. Different discussions come and go. Not everybody is going to agree on whether something is right or appropriate or necessary. I'm still fairly politically and religiously conservative so I get my own personal views bludgeoned on a regular basis. That's all find and good.

I try very hard to be a hands-off moderator unless someone is being particularly personal or just not observing good nettiquete. I may need to start taking a slightly more active role to make sure that the discussions aren't turning too personal.

[Darrell]

That being said, some people's complete raison d'être is to be provocative. These people are known in common parlance as "trolls."

The only way to deal with a troll is not to feed it by giving it attention. Eventually it goes where there is more attention available.

If you feel that someone has crossed the line and has posted something beyond the pale then please by all means shoot me a PM. I'll listen. Honest.

[pastor's wife]

I think it was stressed so much to some of us that we had to be always aware of what others were thinking - both the saved and the unsaved - that we became super-sensitive and aware of nuances. Thus, while we were also taught to forgive and smile and be gracious on the outside, inside we were often upset or disturbed because people of how people were behaving toward us. After all, if we'd behaved ourselves in a most Christ-like way, shouldn't people be pleased with us? And if they treated us badly, like those were treated Christ badly, it meant they were sinners and worldly, but then what if those treating us that way were in the church? *youngfundymindblown*

I remember once leaving a church fellowship meal and crying because all the chairs were taken and there was no room for me. (This was before our church split when there were plenty of people there.) I'd been greeting people and helping with things and by the time I got there, all the spaces were gone. I felt rejected and unloved. It wasn't deliberate on anyone's part, nor was I then or ever have been a prima dona who expected "MY" seat saved, but seeing everyone happily eating with literally no space left for me brought out deep feelings of never being good enough and always being left out.

It's weird to be super sensitive and yet also to always try to APPEAR calm and gracious and unruffled.

As to the forum threads, there are definitely ones which I avoid.

[Mommy2Kids]

(01-16-2012 12:49 PM)pastors wife Wrote:  I think it was stressed so much to some of us that we had to be always aware of what others were thinking - both the saved and the unsaved - that we became super-sensitive and aware of nuances. Thus, while we were also taught to forgive and smile and be gracious on the outside, inside we were often upset or disturbed because people of how people were behaving toward us. After all, if we'd behaved ourselves in a most Christ-like way, shouldn't people be pleased with us? And if they treated us badly, like those were treated Christ badly, it meant they were sinners and worldly, but then what if those treating us that way were in the church? *youngfundymindblown*

I remember once leaving a church fellowship meal and crying because all the chairs were taken and there was no room for me. (This was before our church split when there were plenty of people there.) I'd been greeting people and helping with things and by the time I got there, all the spaces were gone. I felt rejected and unloved. It wasn't deliberate on anyone's part, nor was I then or ever have been a prima dona who expected "MY" seat saved, but seeing everyone happily eating with literally no space left for me brought out deep feelings of never being good enough and always being left out.

It's weird to be super sensitive and yet also to always try to APPEAR calm and gracious and unruffled.

As to the forum threads, there are definitely ones which I avoid.

Aww, PW. I probably would have done the same thing. I taught a Sunday school refresher class last year, and I know some people were overwhelmed by information and ideas they had never heard before. No one commented on the class afterwards. By the end of the next day, I was walking around crying - defeated. The next Sunday, most of the people thanked me. It was all in my head.

[boymom]

Its also easy to misinterpret what people mean on the internet. There are nuances of body language and tone of voice that are missing. What one person means to be sarcastic, another sees as just rude. Even with smilies, one is never quite sure if a comment is written in anger or just stated as fact. Also, some people have difficulty expressing themselves in writing. The things we are thinking don't always come out as we intend. I would also contend that for some people, being abrasive is a way of getting away from the fundiness. Its a way of saying "I am SO not that person anymore." So, while I wouldn't say 'sucks to be you', I can see why someone else might.

[greg]

I would like to see folks be more sensitive to others around here. I have even called folks down for filthy language before. But I can only imagine how tough it is to try and police a site like this.

I have been called a troll myself, more than a few times over on the blog, but it is usually by folks espousing far out leftist, liberal garbage, or at least what I consider garbage (how's that for being broad-minded)

It seems to me that alot of folks left fundyism, but now kinda have an anything goes mentality, and I just don't support that, my faith and my God is more precious to me now than ever, I am attempting to honor God now with my life because of love, not because I'm supposed to, its a big difference. Btw, I have at times been somewhat boorish and have had to apologize a few times for some of my enthusiastic, and sometimes misguided statements. I am attempting to do better and believe that I am.

I appreciate very much the good folks on here, and look fwd to hearing your opinions on many subjects. Darrell definitely has his work cut out for him trying to keep all of us inmates happy.

[lucrezaborgia]

(01-16-2012 01:49 PM)greg Wrote:  I would like to see folks be more sensitive to others around here. I have even called folks down for filthy language before. But I can only imagine how tough it is to try and police a site like this.

I have been called a troll myself, more than a few times over on the blog, but it is usually by folks espousing far out leftist, liberal garbage, or at least what I consider garbage (how's that for being broad-minded)

Oh, Irony!

[pastor's wife]

(01-16-2012 01:08 PM)Mommy2Kids Wrote:  By the end of the next day, I was walking around crying - defeated. The next Sunday, most of the people thanked me. It was all in my head.

I'm trying to accept the total, unconditional love of God in Christ so I don't have to buckle under perceived slights or insults or rejection of others -- especially when so often it was just in my head, like you said!

I have a hard time accepting the words in the song "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. It's just hard to believe. But if I could, I know that I wouldn't be so easily crushed by other people's attitudes toward me.

[greg]

(01-16-2012 01:51 PM)lucrezaborgia Wrote:  

(01-16-2012 01:49 PM)greg Wrote:  I would like to see folks be more sensitive to others around here. I have even called folks down for filthy language before. But I can only imagine how tough it is to try and police a site like this.

I have been called a troll myself, more than a few times over on the blog, but it is usually by folks espousing far out leftist, liberal garbage, or at least what I consider garbage (how's that for being broad-minded)

Oh, Irony!

Btw, you aren't one of the "good" folks that I was referring too.