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Elijah Craig · 08-07-2011, 08:07 PM

(08-07-2011 06:33 PM)senda wales Wrote: Until this past Friday, I did not believe in casual dating. That was until someone from my mixed martial arts gym spontaneously asked if I'd like to see a movie with him afterwards. I did. We also got dinner first. And ice cream afterwards. He paid for all of the food (even when I insisted on paying my part) and was really reluctant to let me pay for the movie tickets (I had gift certificates, which are difficult to argue with). He kept complimenting me on how I looked and kept saying he had fun and was really concerned that I was having fun. He also leaned close to me the whole time in the movie theater. (Turns out that muscular people aren't quite as cushy as, well, the average person.) He asked for my phone number afterwards.

He's smooth...

HACker105 · 08-07-2011, 10:24 PM

I normally go on an ice breaker date and then really begin to develop the relationship/friendship. I have never been one for games so Idk.

**laurat99** · 08-08-2011, 06:54 AM

(08-07-2011 08:07 PM)Elijah Craig Wrote:
(08-07-2011 06:33 PM)senda wales Wrote: Until this past Friday, I did not believe in casual dating. That was until someone from my mixed martial arts gym spontaneously asked if I'd like to see a movie with him afterwards. I did. We also got dinner first. And ice cream afterwards. He paid for all of the food (even when I insisted on paying my part) and was really reluctant to let me pay for the movie tickets (I had gift certificates, which are difficult to argue with). He kept complimenting me on how I looked and kept saying he had fun and was really concerned that I was having fun. He also leaned close to me the whole time in the movie theater. (Turns out that muscular people aren't quite as cushy as, well, the average person.) He asked for my phone number afterwards.

He's smooth...

I think he likes you.

**senda wales** · (This post was last modified: 08-08-2011 11:33 AM by senda wales.)

(08-08-2011 06:54 AM)laurat99 Wrote: I think he likes you.

Yeah, I kind of got that sense from the first time I talked to him months ago. That's another reason going into dinner I got nervous or cognitively dissonant or whatever, 'cause this wasn't just going to be hanging out with a platonic friend. I could hear the fundy voice saying, "So, you're WILLFULLY walking into a romantically-charged setting with a guy who you're fairly sure likes you, you're not sure he's a Christian, he has every 'appearance of evil,' you didn't get anyone's counsel first blah blah blah."

(08-07-2011 10:24 PM)HACker105 Wrote: I normally go on an ice breaker date and then really begin to develop the relationship/friendship. I have never been one for games so Idk.

Which is good and fine. At my church, you do not get to go on a date with someone until you're 100% sure you want to get into a committed relationship with them that leads to marriage. I have been in a few "talking" relationships with guys who were unwilling to just straight up ask me out and figure out if this would go anywhere. Instead, we talked for months and did a lot of the same things interested people do but with no one saying the D or R or I words ("date" or "relationship" or "interested") because it's too high stakes to bring any of that up. Then, when the guy suddenly just stops talking, you can't really ask why they stopped because, well, technically there never was anything to start with. It's really frustrating.

**boymom** · 08-08-2011, 12:19 PM

(08-07-2011 06:08 PM)senda wales Wrote: I wrote this in a blog this past January, before I discovered psuedo-coding. But it's basically pseudo-coding social interactions.

-------

I am actually not that great when it comes to meeting people, or mingling, or making small talk, such that I have a list of protocols I keep in my head whenever I meet people:

1. Smile.
This is why talking to people is exhausting.

I hope you do not find this insulting, but this is an excellent list for role-playing social situations for those with social disorders, such as my sons with Asperger's. I'm thinking I'm going to copy this (if you don't mind) and show it to them and see if we can work on this this year. Seeing as they are nearing their teen years, girls are starting to look interesting to them (I assume its girls!).

HACker105 · 08-08-2011, 12:40 PM

(08-08-2011 11:31 AM)senda wales Wrote:
(08-08-2011 06:54 AM)laurat99 Wrote: I think he likes you.
Yeah, I kind of got that sense from the first time I talked to him months ago. That's another reason going into dinner I got nervous or cognitively dissonant or whatever, 'cause this wasn't just going to be hanging out with a platonic friend. I could hear the fundy voice saying, "So, you're WILLFULLY walking into a romantically-charged setting with a guy who you're fairly sure likes you, you're not sure he's a Christian, he has every 'appearance of evil,' you didn't get anyone's counsel first blah blah blah."

(08-07-2011 10:24 PM)HACker105 Wrote: I normally go on an ice breaker date and then really begin to develop the relationship/friendship. I have never been one for games so Idk.
Which is good and fine. At my church, you do not get to go on a date with someone until you're 100% sure you want to get into a committed relationship with them that leads to marriage. I have been in a few "talking" relationships with guys who were unwilling to just straight up ask me out and figure out if this would go anywhere. Instead, we talked for months and did a lot of the same things interested people do but with no one saying the D or R or I words ("date" or "relationship" or "interested") because it's too high stakes to bring any of that up. Then, when the guy suddenly just stops talking, you can't really ask why they stopped because, well, technically there never was anything to start with. It's really frustrating.

This is precisely how I am

At my church, you do not get to go on a date with someone until you're 100% sure you want to get into a committed relationship with them that leads to marriage.

It isn't the casual dating game at all but alas I need to accept, I am stuck inside fundyland for a spouse.

Anyone want to write, how to survive a semester at fundy U and get a wife and leave normal?

IFB No More · 08-08-2011, 01:05 PM

I have to say my choices are pretty much tied up.

My (non-Christian traditional Asian) parents are pretty picky about choices of a partner.
My present church expressly says that dating of non-believers is forbidden. (When Christians are a minority in my country, and damn it, most evangelical church girls are boring IMO)

Tied on both sides, what should I do?

**senda wales** · 08-08-2011, 01:08 PM

(08-08-2011 12:19 PM)boymom Wrote: I hope you do not find this insulting, but this is an excellent list for role-playing social situations for those with social disorders, such as my sons with Asperger's. I'm thinking I'm going to copy this (if you don't mind) and show it to them and see if we can work on this this year. Seeing as they are nearing their teen years, girls are starting to look interesting to them (I assume its girls!).

Yeah, I don't mind at all! But the usual disclaimer: I am not a professional and this document does not represent the views of a professional. Wink

They're also more like guidelines, too, they're not meant to be followed word-for-word. I do feel a little funny thinking that I drafted something that someone with Asperger's would understand. To be fair, you can find a lot of this sort of thing in self-help books or one-sheets on mingling. I just elaborated a bit more.

HACker105 · 08-08-2011, 01:11 PM

(08-08-2011 01:05 PM)IFB No More Wrote: I have to say my choices are pretty much tied up.

My (non-Christian traditional Asian) parents are pretty picky about choices of a partner.
My present church expressly says that dating of non-believers is forbidden. (When Christians are a minority in my country, and damn it, most evangelical church girls are boring IMO)

Tied on both sides, what should I do?

uhmm even the Bible is clear about being with non believers.

IFB No More · 08-08-2011, 01:18 PM

(08-08-2011 01:11 PM)HACker105 Wrote:
(08-08-2011 01:05 PM)IFB No More Wrote: I have to say my choices are pretty much tied up.

My (non-Christian traditional Asian) parents are pretty picky about choices of a partner.
My present church expressly says that dating of non-believers is forbidden. (When Christians are a minority in my country, and damn it, most evangelical church girls are boring IMO)

Tied on both sides, what should I do?

uhmm even the Bible is clear about being with non believers.

Well, I doubt they even permit dates with Catholics as well and are doubtful about mainline Protestants and charismatics.