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RE: Fundybook - JordanMaria - 04-08-2012 08:11 AM
Ah, I see.
Just keep your daughter from dating, and better yet from forming anything but superficial connections with the opposite sex.
Then, when she's 25 and for the very first time in her life, she's in a relationship, she'll use some of the experience and wisdom she learned from past relationships.
Oh wait.
RE: Fundybook - Lady Julian - 04-08-2012 09:11 AM
(04-08-2012 12:34 AM)Elijah Craig Wrote: Saw this linked just now on Facebook:
http://thecollegeconservative.com/2012/03/15/underage-dating-the-elephant-in-the-social-conservative-living-room/
"Underage Dating: The Elephant in the Social Conservative Living-Room"
My brain isn't even capable of processing or arguing against this kind of crap after a 60 hour work week, including two weekend late night conference calls.
It's essentially a remake of Josh Harris' argument: Don't date until you're ready for marriage. This girl has her nose buried deep in I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
And as JM points out, it is dangerous. Not only are kids completely unprepared for a romantic relationship, they actually completely unprepared for even a friendly relationship. When "interaction with the opposite gender" is supposed to be about romance only (5th paragraph), you can't have any kind of healthy everyday relationship; kids become stand-offish in an attempt to be virtuous.
Very frustrating.
On a side note, Harris's books have interesting German Titles: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" becomes "Nie Gekuesst und Doch Kein Frosch" (Never been kissed and still no frog); "Boy Meets Girl" becomes "Frosch Trifft Prinzessen" (Frog Meets Princess). I promise!!
RE: Fundybook - Bob M - 04-08-2012 10:01 AM
(04-07-2012 07:34 PM)SomethingFundy Wrote:(04-07-2012 10:58 AM)Bob M Wrote: Typical Fundies.
I was on a forum that some people here frequented at one time, fundamentalforums.com. It was at one time fairly open. it has become a cesspool. Worse, there are only a few posters left and mostly they deride any new posters, or anyone who is not a Hyles supporter. I tired arguing with a certain woman there and was attacked relentlessly by her male friends. I was called gay, homo, unsaved, etc. And I am none of those.
Is that you maverick?
No, not maverick. Bob M.
Who are you?
RE: Fundybook - Bob M - 04-08-2012 10:02 AM
(04-08-2012 08:11 AM)JordanMaria Wrote: Ah, I see.
Just keep your daughter from dating, and better yet from forming anything but superficial connections with the opposite sex.
Then, when she's 25 and for the very first time in her life, she's in a relationship, she'll use some of the experience and wisdom she learned from past relationships.
Oh wait.
Or, as Elizabeth elliot says, "She'll figure it out."
RE: Fundybook - amyrose5 - 04-08-2012 10:38 AM
(04-08-2012 08:11 AM)JordanMaria Wrote: Ah, I see.
Just keep your daughter from dating, and better yet from forming anything but superficial connections with the opposite sex.
Then, when she's 25 and for the very first time in her life, she's in a relationship, she'll use some of the experience and wisdom she learned from past relationships.
Oh wait.
I agree with you. I do have to say, however, that the original blogger has a point buried in there. Twelve year olds do not need to be dating. And it is getting younger all the time. When my nephew was eight, another mom called his mom to arrange a "date" for him and her daughter. My nephew's mother said absolutely not, eight year olds don't date.
The notion that anyone not planning to immediately marry should not date is absurd. But I had 14 year old students in serious relationships and 16 year olds that couldn't decide whether to go to the mall with their friends after school without consulting their boyfriends about the plan for the day. Way back when I was student teaching in a Catholic school, a priest who taught there defined it all as high school kids being "prematurely married" because they related to each other that way in many respects. There are two extremes--the never speak to the opposite sex extreme and the being too serious too young extreme. We have to help teenagers find the middle ground appropriate to their age and place in the world.
RE: Fundybook - JordanMaria - 04-08-2012 11:42 AM
(04-08-2012 10:02 AM)Bob M Wrote: Or, as Elizabeth elliot says, "She'll figure it out."
A little learned wisdom is always nice to have.
RE: Fundybook - Elijah Craig - 04-08-2012 12:36 PM
(04-08-2012 09:11 AM)Lady Julian Wrote: It's essentially a remake of Josh Harris' argument: Don't date until you're ready for marriage. This girl has her nose buried deep in I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
And as JM points out, it is dangerous. Not only are kids completely unprepared for a romantic relationship, they actually completely unprepared for even a friendly relationship. When "interaction with the opposite gender" is supposed to be about romance only (5th paragraph), you can't have any kind of healthy everyday relationship; kids become stand-offish in an attempt to be virtuous.
One of the couples who received a chapter in Josh Harris's book-- the daughter of the SGM music man-- has had a nasty divorce in the last couple years. Another couple that used to moderate Focus on the Family's "Boundless" webzine has also had a very public divorce, with the woman actually leaving the faith and the man now a very liberal Christian. I suppose they had to find a new personality to peddle this tripe after a couple high-profile model courtship marriages went down like the Hindenburg.
The thing that struck me is how broad the article was. They'd complain about what are perhaps legitimate issues-- 12 year olds talking about "exes." Although, perhaps that's just an example of 12 year olds trying to use adult language, or perhaps it really is worrisome. They complain about parents dressing their 14 year olds up in sexually provocative clothing. Then they throw in some stuff that is weird.
If you point out the crazy, they'll retreat to the defensible stuff and talk about it. I've seen them do it a hundred times. Al Mohler will condemn Yoga as unChristian and then retreat and say he wasn't talking about THAT kind of Yoga but if people got offended then maybe he was right after all. It's a game they play and it works on folks who have a predisposition to agree or who are feeble minded.
RE: Fundybook - Elijah Craig - 04-08-2012 12:44 PM
(04-08-2012 11:42 AM)JordanMaria Wrote:(04-08-2012 10:02 AM)Bob M Wrote: Or, as Elizabeth elliot says, "She'll figure it out."
A little learned wisdom is always nice to have.
Every broken relationship or even failed crush has taught me something about myself. I think it's obvious that even little kids playing house are learning about relationships between the sexes. Most of us see an elementary school crush as a cute thing and entirely normal. Most of us see high school dating as a healthy preparation for adult life if it's conducted within parental bounds. Some people even end up marrying the little girl they liked in the 4th grade or the person who they dated in high school.
I've had some romantic interests blow up in my face. It revealed to me dysfunctional things that I did, or dysfunctional attractions I had. For example, playing white knight to the crazy girl is bad, bad, bad. Or that dating a person who can't communicate and behave like an adult makes for impossible situations. Avoiding confrontation about things that annoy you early on leads for heartache down the road. You shouldn't have yell much in a relationship-- if you do it's because you're an ass or they're impossible. It's better to learn this stuff before the ring goes on the finger.
Dating experience is something you need to have. Because when she leaves you, she's gonna leave with half.
RE: Fundybook - Elijah Craig - 04-08-2012 01:06 PM
Quote:multiple partners create multiple soul ties which makes it hard for a true couple to bond and become "one flesh"....soul ties have to be broken, In Jesus' Name....
I got that one from my Facebook and mentioned it above, but I think it applies here also. I'm not sure whether the person saying it is currently Fundy or Charismatic but I know they have cycled between the two.
It's advice given to a guy who was letting a single mom with a kid live with him. He works odd, long shifts and they had a spat over texts during a time he was really tired. So she left. He's currently trying to bargain with God to make sense of what happened-- stopped drinking, cussing, etc.
Spiritualizing breakups like that never get to the root cause. He is a very nice guy, probably way too nice. She was probably consciously or subconsciously looking for a reason to go and saw her opportunity. She may have an insecure attachment pattern. But then again that is "psychology" and we know that there are spiritual forces at work here.
RE: Fundybook - Bob M - 04-08-2012 10:44 PM
(04-08-2012 11:42 AM)JordanMaria Wrote:(04-08-2012 10:02 AM)Bob M Wrote: Or, as Elizabeth elliot says, "She'll figure it out."
A little learned wisdom is always nice to have.
I agree. I said it tongue in cheek. I think kids need some practice with relationships. SO do adults.