(08-10-2011 06:00 PM)IFB No More Wrote:  Hmm. I am now on exchange in the States for half a year. I know a long-distance r/s is difficult, but I'd like to do my best and find someone over here. Should I give it an attempt? Are there any successful attempts you have heard of and any advice?

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

(08-06-2011 12:39 PM)senda wales Wrote:  So, I have a problem people.

In addition to the normal jitters, nerves, and anxieties normal people experience on first dates or meeting people, I:

-am generally socially awkward (e.g., I write personal lists/algorithms for how to interact with people),

-am an uber nerd with a tendency to over-intellectualize and analyze everything ("Rise of the Planet of the Apes was great! It totally mirrors the story of Genesis from the Bible of the creation rising up against the creator with the onset of self-awareness and demonstrates our fear of technology!"),

-have a work-from-home job ("Wait, what's, 'Hello?' What are people?"),

-and have 10 years of don'tdatedon'tdatedon'tdate and purity theory drilled into my head from my fundy years ("He's flirting with me! Do I flirt back? Is that too forward? If I flirt, he might get the wrong idea. What wrong idea? This is a date! Or is it? Umm...adfdsafdfj")

I've noticed that I get really nervous on first dates, partly out of just sheer nerves, but partly out of a conscious/subconscious stiffening up when I hear that still, small fundy voice telling me all of this is wrong. Plus, in fundyland you literally get no experience in dating. I did have a non-fundy boyfriend for 3 years in college, but this actually took care of needing to learn how to behave on first dates.

I fear that I'm coming off as a not-very-fun-or-flirty person in first dates, which is kind of a kiss of death in dating. Which makes me even more nervous and less fun. Yes, I know, most people experience this to some extent or another. And I know, in general, be yourself, be genuine, and try not to stress or over-think it and just smile and have fun. (But don't be TOO much of yourself...) I'm pretty sure I'm missing something here. Help?

Quote:Marty: "She told me to tell you that she wants you to ask her to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance."
George: "Really?"
Marty: "Oh, yeah. All you gotta do is go over there and ask her."
George: "What, right here, right now in the cafeteria? What if she said no? I don't know if I could take that kind of a rejection."

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

(09-19-2011 04:55 PM)Persnickety Polecat Wrote:  

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

I asked my husband out the first time ... 12 or so years ago.

I'll add my 2 cents to the dating thing. If you're really uncomfortable interacting with men, dating, etc., have you tried just having male friends? Sometimes not having the pressure of a "date" will help you relax a little more. Go out on "friend dates" with men you're just friends with (just make sure everyone knows it's a friends-only thing so no one gets hurt), and build up to actual dates with men you're actually interested in.