Putting the shoe on the other foot - Printable Version
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Putting the shoe on the other foot - pblawman - 06-29-2011 10:24 AM
I have a while before this could ever become an issue, but I think about it anyhow. I have four daughters. I read a lot on here about the struggles that some are having with their parents because of their decision to step out of the IFB umbrella. My instinct is to say that these parents need to wake up and smell the coffee. But then I wonder how I, as a parent, may feel if one of my daughters ends up in a relationship with a fundy type guy. I know that I'd absolutely hate it because I believe that the only thing worse than being trapped in the fundy life is being a wife trapped in the fundy life.
I know I wouldn't separate from them over the issue, or think that they somehow were not "true Christians", but I'm not sure I could be charitable with some guy who started planting the idea in my daughter's head that perhaps her parents weren't "true Christians" because we read from the ESV or [insert fundy issue here].
Has anyone here dealt with the problem of their children either going into fundyism or not being ready to leave when you are?
RE: Putting the shoe ont he other foot - pastor's wife - 06-29-2011 10:41 AM
I haven't faced that yet, but my children are still young, and I've wondered how I'd respond if my children did that too. I've often thought about what doctrinal issues I could live with and which would truly bother me. Leaving fundamentalism, I've enjoyed being able to love the brethren and not divide over preferences or quibble over interpretations. But I still don't know how to love fundamentalists who separate from everyone else and label people ungodly over music or Bible versions.
Sometimes I think that it's OK to view them harshly because Jesus took a hard line on the Pharisees. When one came to him individually (like Nicodemus), He talked to Him respectfully and lovingly, but as a group, He called them white-washed sepulchres and children of the devil.
It's a joy to love other believers. It's hard to love my enemies, but when they are unbelievers, I know that they are the way they are because they don't know Christ. But it's beyond hard to love those people who name the name of Christ but are hard-hearted, mean-spirited, and generally nasty.
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - paul - 06-29-2011 10:45 AM
My older kids (16 and 17) saw enough of the fundy junk to avoid the bold fundy types. I do concern myself (probably too much sometimes) that they might be inclined to fundy light because of a lack of a core theology. I'm trying to correct that, but it is difficult when fundy-ism creates such an antipathy for theoogical discussion.
My younger two (13 and 11) are still moving from the concrete to the abstract thinking processes, so they are asking more questions and more interested in talking things out.
With my daughter currently (see my other thread) and the plan with the others I am simply trying to be very honest and open in my discussions. Were any of my kids to choose a fundy life (or spouse), I would be very honest about what they should expect. If that is what they want, I can't keep them from it. I've been struggling very much lately with the concept of control. I really want it, but, as Jurassic Park says, that is the illusion, you can never have it.
I guess more than anything I'm simply trying my best to keep open communications (honest and straight-forward) with my kids and praying for and relying on grace both in my parenting and in their lives.
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - The Singular Observer - 06-29-2011 11:02 AM
Well, my girls know that whoever they marry, the fellow must be a good provider, like beer, and be a Lutheran
Seriously though, we've been teaching them to think for themselves for a long time now. Also, we discuss the world and all the crazies in it. I highly doubt that they would fall for a fundy guy - the fundy guy might fall though as they punch him on the nose when he asserts himself...
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - pblawman - 06-29-2011 11:17 AM
My kids are young enough that they don't remember our fundy background, and I think if they ever got exposed to something like we came out of they'd literally be afraid. Also, because we are encouraging them to think, I suspect they would be perceived as a threat by the narrow minded fundy guys (I know, cuz I once was one).
Perhaps I'm worrying about nothing. After all, where would they possibly meet one of these creatures? At a Lecrae concert?
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - paul - 06-29-2011 12:09 PM
(06-29-2011 11:02 AM)The Singular Observer Wrote: Well, my girls know that whoever they marry, the fellow must be a good provider, like beer, and be a Lutheran
Heh, I told my daughters that they could marry anyone except a Yankees fan. Now, one of my daughter's best friends and her mom are both Yankee fans. Guess that is the judgement of gawd on me for leaving fundy-land.
If any go then my daughters might meet them. Or my son meet the girls. They all love Lecrae. Me, I'm just happy to catch every 5th word or so.
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - pblawman - 06-29-2011 12:31 PM
(06-29-2011 12:09 PM)paul Wrote:I actually enjoy his music. It's more theologically rich than the southern gospel music I was fed growing up.
RE: Putting the shoe on the other foot - Darcy - 06-29-2011 03:19 PM
If my daughters are anything like me, they won't look twice at a fundy guy. Or any guy that thinks he's better than them because he's a man. And no fundy guy in his right mind would want them. I noticed as a teen, that fundy guys would be instantly attracted to me....the perfect little homemaker, jumper-wearing, fundy daughter....until I opened my mouth. lol.