Parody Albums

During my tenure at Pensacola Christian College there was a group of anonymous students who produced an album of parody songs about all things PCC. Now from the dusty archives of last decade I’d like to make these songs available to you:

1 – Intro
2 – Date Me
3 – Your Body is a No-No Land
4 – A Home for You
5 – Ode to Bob Jones
6 – We all Read from the KJV
7 – I Got 150 Demerits (‘Cause I Said Amen in Church)
8 – Dr. Mutsch Where Did You Go?
9 – I Don’t Like the NIV
10 – Chaperon’d Again
11 – The NASB Song
12 – Touch Not the Unclean Thing

For those of you who didn’t go to PCC much of the background here involves the video series that PCC released called “The Leaven in Fundamentalism” which in so many words accused Bob Jones University of being a liberal tool of Satan for teaching that modern Bible versions are actually not that bad.

Ballard South (BS) is a wing of the oldest dorm on campus. The intro track also references Coberly (where I spent 3 years of my college career) which is the second oldest dorm.

150 demerits (enough to get you expelled) is the penalty for any kind of disruption of a public meeting, including saying “Amen” out loud during a church service.

Dr. Mutsch was a college VP who suddenly disappeared one day without any warning or explanation.

Touch Not the Unclean Thing was a book written by PCC graduate David Sorensen that became required reading all ministerial students.

92 thoughts on “Parody Albums”

      1. You mean ACE of those stupid booklets that so-called religious “schools” use to indoctrinate and “educate” their children? Oy.

        1. How many people knew someone in fundyland who once was employed by a “Christian school” as an ACE PACE eraser? Churches would purchase one set of PACES, have the kids fill them out in pencil, and then have an employee erase them so they could be used again.

  1. I remember hearing a parody song that I thought came from Pcc called “The Kjv Hillbillies.” Anyone familiar or have a copy?

    1. I vaguely remember the KJV hillbillies. I found the lyrics (but not the audio) at http://www.baptistboard.com/showthread.php?t=2937&page=5

      There’s some people down south say if you want to get to heaven
      Gotta get you a Bible that’s free of all the leaven
      Gotta throw away the NIV, the NASB too
      The Textus Receptus is the one to see you through

      King James, that is. 1611.

      Now some liberals from Bob Jones and Lansdale too
      Maranatha, Detroit are compromisin’ schools
      They fell headlong into textual criticism
      But a school down yonder is causin’ quite a schism

      Pensacola, that is. Southern Dell.

      Now when you come to Pensacola leave your Hebrew at the door
      If you quote from the Greek we will make you swab the floor
      And about church history we’ve rewritten all the past
      It’s in the latest Beka Books, we’ve got a lot of cash

      And I mean a lot of cash!

      So Dr. Dell and Mrs. Horton of this mindless Inquisition
      Are purging fundamentalists of textual criticism
      But underneath the rhetoric, the simple proposition:
      Pensacola is the only fundamental institution.

      Y’all come here now! We’re the only one that’s left!

      1. Excellent song.

        Our church used to have Johnny and Nelda Flanagan (or something like that) come and sing this ditty:

        What’s wrong with the Old Black Book
        My Daddy used to read from?
        Is it so outdated
        By modern tran-sa-lations?
        Revised Standard and Good News
        Everywhere I look!
        Won’t somebody tell me
        What’s wrong with the Old Black Book?

        The NIV is much to smart
        To come right out and say
        Forget everything you’ve learned
        You need to learn it some other way.
        [I forget the next few lines but it’s something about Satan]
        Giving us new Bibles
        Changed a little bit each time!

        [CHORUS!]

        1. Oh my gosh, the Flanagans. A missionary to Mexico gave me a tape of theirs years ago, but I’ve never heard of them anywhere outside of that. It cracked me up that in between all those gospel songs was a ballad called “Willie the Wetback,” which I could totally see Kris Kristofferson covering. Baptists singing a sympathetic song about an illegal immigrant? Yep!

          “Willie the Wetback, you’ve done it again
          Don’t get me wrong, you’re welcome, my friend
          I can just say what you already know
          But you’ve got to watch out for the Border Patrol.”

    1. Date me, date me my friend.
      Date me, date me again.
      I’m not the only one,
      Because we need a chaperone,
      yeeeaa I’m not the only one.

      Date me, do it and do it again
      Waste me (on Welch’s)
      Date me, my friend.

  2. #12 begs the question: If you wash it very, very thoroughly… is it still unclean?
    “But …but I washed it! …vigorously! …very vigorously!”

  3. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church with an Independent pastor. I was even exposed to Phil Kidd as a teen. Even after my background, I am amazed at the lists of rules and the demerit systems you guys have lived with. I have an easy time seeing why most of you rebelled from Fundamentalism. All those silly rules for everything are mind-blowing. I hope that all who are and were hurt through all this will find peace with God and not turn away from Him because of loveless, so-called Christians and their rules.

    1. Thanks for the sentiment! While, yes, there are a few here who no longer believe in God, thee majority of us not only do believe in God but our relationship with God has improved since we left the IFB cult.

      1. Do you have proof about what the majority here believes? I’m an agnostic, so I don’t have a relationship with a deity of any sort.

  4. Coming from a fundy school myself, the song “Your Body Is A No-No Land” was hysterical and so very true. I didn’t date really at the school till I was a grad student, and luckily, no chaperone required then. Yay! 🙂

    1. I made that song up on the spot. After I sang that lyric, I burst out in complete laughter which sounded odd on the tape. That’s why I cut it at the very moment I started to laugh.

  5. I wish we had something like this from BJ. Maybe we do? Anyone know?
    I love how even though they had the stones to record these songs, they still had to almost whisper them lest a zealous RA overhear.

    1. I remember a few from my BJU days. There was “Somewhere over in Greenville” sung by a comedy BJU III impersonation to the tune of “Somewhere over the rainbow” from Wizard of Oz, “BJU and Me” sung to the tune of the theme from “Beauty and the Beast,” “I just stepped on a squirrel” which I don’t think was explicitly BJU related, but fit well due to the massive number of squirrels on campus, and one or two others.

      I’ll have to check my offline storage and see if I have any of them. I probably don’t, I did a pretty thorough “just in case” purge my junior year when my roommate’s best friend got shipped for torrenting “24” through a VPN (yes, really. It took 2 semesters for them to catch him IIRC).

        1. Kim,

          I have been searching for those songs for 5 years. Would you send them to me? If you’re willing to send them, my E-Mail address is tchibo71 at gmail.

  6. How on earth did these guys not get kicked out for this?

    FYI: When clicking through to listen to these on youtube, it recommends that I also watch “Pastor Jim Standridge on Skateboards, Wives, Europe, Sound Guys, and Texting.”

      1. Yeah but I hadn’t heard the “there isn’t any difference between coming to church on a skateboard and coming to church on a broom” part before.

    1. They definitely were coy about what even building they were living in, and I assume very strictly controlled distribution/access of this. Secrets are generally hard to keep, but when it’s PCC/Fundy U, people learn to keep them out of necessity.

    2. Did you watch it? Those poor people. Why they would sit through that, let alone come back, is way beyond my understanding. I feel extra sorry for the kids who are forcibly subjected to that rot.

  7. I always think these sorts of parodies put the admin at Bible colleges in a really tricky situation. On the one hand, they know they must come down hard on such evil frivolity. On the other hand, admitting that they know the underlying songs would require them to admit that they listen to “worldly” music. Sometimes it’s fun to sit back and watch them prevaricate.

  8. Ah, misspent youth. I remember my BJU gang singing “I Just Want to Separate” to the tune of Rare Earth’s “I Just Want to Celebrate.” And the list went on. Good to know that our humor doesn’t really change. Just the lyrics change. Well done, Darrell.

  9. Lurker mostly, but best funny post in ages!

    My mom was made to attend BJU in the 70’s. She said they sang this…

    You’re just too good to be true
    Can’t take my eyes off of you.
    You’d be like heaven to touch,
    But 50 D’ s are too much.
    But if you feel like I feel,
    Meet me in back of Reville,
    You’re just too good to be true
    Can’t take my eyes off of you.

    I think there were other verses, but I remember this one.

    We did similar things at my fundy high school…

      1. Not a baby boomer, but I know the original song because my musical choices were very limited. Nearly everything from the Beatles on was evil. So while my peers were listening to Duran Duran, Madonna, and Michael Jackson, I was listening to hymns, classical music, or pre-rock-n-roll oldies for me.

    1. We used to sing this! And :blush: my future husband couldn’t stand the songs that sounded like roller rink music so there were songs like “I was sinking deep in sin – wheeeeeeee!”

  10. I remember these songs! I went to PCC in the mid-2000s and they were still being shared on jump drives. 🙂 I got them from my boyfriend and they were a big hit in my suite in Bradley..until my prayer leader (suitemate, not roommate) heard me playing “I Got 150 Demerits.” She was a typical clone, no humor at all, got very offended, and told me to “turn that off right away. Just turn that off. That’s ridiculous.”

  11. I remember they also had a “Date Me” parody set to Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me.” But I can’t remember all of the words.

  12. I remember dreading the yearly “Leaven” video installment. It was really REALLLLY boring, especially after a full day of class.

    I wasn’t a ministerial student, but I did minor in Bible. I believe I had to read TNTUT for senior-level class History of the English Bible (or some class like that). Back then, it really convinced me that the KJV was the one true Bible! 🙂

    1. What I found interesting about PCC’s KJV-onlyism was their efforts to distance themselves from the “real crazies” (like Ruckman and Riplinger) all while carrying their books in the PCC bookstore!! I remember one trip to Pensacola to visit an old navy buddy of my dad’s (Presbyterian chaplain, yet his family attended campus church) and my parents decided to visit PCC’s bookstore and buy a bunch of KJV-only books to “settle this issue once and for all.” They then spent the ENTIRE rest of the trip breathlessly reading aloud to us from several of “Dr.” Ruckman’s page-turners. Epic family vacation, as always!! By the time we got home, they were convinced. They went to our pastor and let him know that they were KJV-only and then threw away all perverted translations in our home including the NIV bibles that we had used for years to do family scripture memory. I remember hiding my NASB in my bottom dresser drawer because it held some sentimental value for me given that I had really liked the church we had once attended that used it.

      1. I should add that my father then went to an ATI fathers’ conference and bought me and my mother ATI-approved Zodhiates key word study Bibles (which were actually pretty cool because they underlined key words, gave the Strong’s reference number and actually had the Hebrew and Greek dictionaries at the back of the Bible). The ones my dad purchased were ones in which Bill Gothard had rewritten some of Mr. Zodhiates footnotes to more closely conform to ATI doctrine (e.g., Mr. Zodhiates doesn’t believe that divorce is always a sin but BG does). He then told my mother and I that we would have to earn them by memorizing passages of Scripture. I was required to memorize Romans 6-8, which was one of the passages that ATI required everyone to memorize (along with the Sermon on the Mount, the books of James and I Peter, and Psalm 119). He gave me a chart from ATI and I realized that I was required to memorize all of chapters 6 and 8 but only a few select verses from chapter 7. So, I memorized all of that and presented him my chart. He very somberly wrote in the dedication page of my Bible that I had earned the Bible for reciting Romans 6, a few verses of 7, and 8. Jerk!

        Then, he told my mother that she needed to memorize a series of verses from an ATI book about anger. She never bothered to do so, and he eventually gave her the Bible as a Mothers’ Day gift.

        1. For BG, I guess it’s don’t get married and you don’t have to worry about divorce, and you can still tell everyone how to “raise up a godly seed,” because you’ve got the good book and all this “super spiritual wisdom.” I remember Dr. Cedarholm at Maranatha saying, “I wouldn’t let a divorced person push a broom in my church to which one guy replied, “I guess you wouldn’t let him participate in the offering, either!” I know this divorce thing is off the subject, but since you brought it up, it brought back memories. Btw, Cedarholm used to preach in chapel every year or so on “Why We Cannot Participate with Bill Gotthard.”

        2. Every time I think my father was awful in my childhood, your stories remind me that someone always has it worse than you do! Your stories from the ATI viewpoint make it seem that that particular sect of fundamentalism is one of the absolute worse.

  13. I renderer a couple other songs not on this list. Would love to listen to more of them. Didn’t the band call themselves PCC Contraband?

  14. I heard a couple of these and I was there 09.

    Also, touch not the unclean thing is required reading for everybody now 🙁

    But the did stop the yearly leaven/kjv only videos my sr year. I only had to sit through 3.

  15. Absolutely hilarious, Darrell. lol I can remember instances for every song that would fit. You should have done a song just about being campused. I got campused once and almost kicked out. They said I intentionally met my girlfriend off campus. Which I did not do. Yes we ended at the same place (NAS museum). Did I know? yes I found out 2 days before I planned to go. I had been planning to go for like 2 weeks. I was not changing my plans. Then Ohman tried to intimidate me in the questioning. I probably could have sued with how they treated me. Idiots

  16. Thanks Darrel, I feel so special. Now, everyone else: find something to suggest because giving an idea which actually sparks a post is exciting!

      1. Biggest rule I broke while at BJU…….alcohol (vodka) in the dorm. I lived in Nell Sunday dorm & my best friend from home came to visit me. She brought vodka & we bought orange juice on campus. We made screwdrivers in the bathroom. The dorm rooms didn’t have private bathrooms so we went into the stall together to mix it up in our cups. Later, I was ironing my dress for Sunday morning church (on campus). I put my cup with the screwdriver on the end of the ironing board. My roommate asked if she could have a sip of my orange juice. I grabbed it quickly & told her no. She looked at me like I was crazy. There were other rules that I broke & got away with but this would be the biggest because alcohol is such a sin among fundies as we all know. 🙂

  17. We had our own songs about BJU back in my day.

    Hazel Claire and the Hemliners sing “Up, Up and Away”

    Bob Jones Sr. and the Islanders sing “Bridge Over Troubled Waters”

    Marvin Lewis and the Righteous Brothers sing “My Baby Goes to Mission Prayer Band”

    (to name a few)

    1. What years did you go to BJU? I was there in the early 70’s. The songs that you listed were songs of the 70’s. I think I remember the “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” one. As posted earlier yesterday, we sang one to “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” by Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons.

      1. Mid-70s. I still have old cassette tape secretly recorded in Barge called “The Saga of the Mono Ward”. Hilarious only to people there at the time!

    1. When viewing the full site on my Android, I have to open a “reply” link in a new tab to comment on someone else’s post. Just clicking the “reply” link doesn’t do anything.

  18. “Touch Not The Unclean Thing” is required for everybody at PCC now. It’s in the OTS curriculum. I haven’t taken that class yet, but I’ve heard it’s a doozy. My ESV-loving roommate gets really upset every time she talks about it.

  19. when I was at PCC 1992-1994 I was originally in the Coberly dorm. We got bored on Sunday afternoons and so me and a bunch of guys from our hall made a comedy tape called the Coberly Bppys comedy hour. I have the original cassette it was recorded on. We did ads for capus security, the food court, Mrs. Mutsch’s next concert appearance with opening act Def Leppard. We had a skit called Dr, Mullenix and the search for the rare books (Indiana Jones spoof). If I can figure how to get it recorded over to digital I will send it to you Darrell, but those who are not familiar with PCC in the 90’s won’t get it.

    1. If you still have a tape deck, you can plug the output into your mic port on your soundcard or laptop, and use “total recorder” or something like it to record it to MP3 (or any format). I got a license for total recorder, although I suspect there are free programs that do the same without an audio watermark that the free version of total recorder does.

      1. PS, windows has a built in “sound recorder” that I believe will do the same thing, and is free. IDK if there are restrictions on how long it will record of if there’s a beep or watermark.

        1. Thanks Rob, I will have to dig up the tape and a deck and try this someday when I have the time to kill. We passed copies of this around and for the two years I was there I was nervous about being discovered, but no one ever turned us in for it. I guess it was our Kentucky Fried Movie, but on audio tape. We did everything from commercials (Mother Cluckers Frickin Chickin) to a talk show, to the PCC stuff. We just did it on those long boring Sunday afternoons spring semester. It took 3 weeks to finish and I remember it rained every Sunday for those 3 weeks. It was like it was meant to be! 🙂

  20. I kind of assume that “A Home for You” is a well known relatively old popular chorus. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before (or maybe heard it at PCC and forgot it), but I really really really like that song, and am super glad it was included it (I believe/assume unedited) on the album!

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