Odds and Ends

A Thanksgiving Psalm

124 Comments

We’re thankful for the sun that shines and rain that blesses all
We’re thankful for the gift of life and good sales at the mall

We’re thankful for the KJV and Chick Tracts we can give
We’re thankful for the man of God who tells us how to live

We’re thankful for the clothes that keep our bodies out of view
We’re thankful for THE CALLâ„¢ you give to the special chosen few

We’re thankful for the man-made rules that keep our conscience strong
We’re thankful that we’re always right (even if we’re sometimes wrong)

But most of all We give Thee thanks in words of tongue and pen
For the greatest gift you’ve given us: we’re not like other men

(Feel free to add your own verses in the comment section)

124 thoughts on “A Thanksgiving Psalm”

  1. We’re thankful for our music that pleases God
    We’re thankful that worldly ways we have not trod

    We’re thankful for our steadfast Juno account of old
    We’re thankful to have no TV, as we’ve been told

  2. We’re thankful that our wives never a peep shall make

    We’re thankful they have birthing hips for God’s
    sake

  3. From your fan club…

    We’re thankful for Darrell who has made many a Fundy distraught

    We’re thankful he’s eloquently put into words what so many of us have thought

    2. Park that bus, Stan!

      We’re thankful for our Brother Darrell, his posts ring all so true.
      We’re thankful even though my sofa has been wet through.

  5. We’re thankful for the buses, which carry to & fro
    We’re thankful for the pulpit, from which the hot air flows

    We’re thankful for the saltines, which Thou crumblest for us.
    We’re thankful for the tow truck, which moves this broken bus.

    1. We’re thankful for the wide seat buses, on which we all can fit.

      We’re thankful for the handicapped toilet (post potluck) on which we all do SIT.

  6. we’re thankful for “just as I am”, let’s sing another verse
    We’re thankful for our help-meats, clad in denim skirts

    We’re thankful for the pianist, whose fingers surely hurt
    We’re thankful for the “amen!”‘s, the congregants doth blurt

  7. We’re thankful for Thy miracles, turning water into Welches
    We’re glad we don’t taste booze in our post-communion belches

    We’re thankful for the deacon, in short-sleeved shirt & tie
    We’re thankful for our ignorance, for we shalt ne’er ask “why”?

    2. I am thankful that a beverage I had not just drunk,
      For after these verses, my keyboard would be sunk.

  8. We’re thankful for our bibles, a grand old prop indeed!
    We tote it ’round & stand on it but we shall never read

    We’re thankful for the potluck, and stuffing ourselves sick
    There be but one unforgivable sin: being Cath-o-lic

  10. Thank you for the evangelist, who doth revive our souls
    For Fundy U’s with great controlled environments and rules.

    1. No joke! My sides needed to be EASED back into the Read Mo humor! I think I’m going to have to have a doctor reattach my spleen!

  12. We’re thankful for America, which God himself did found.

    We’re thankful for Sacred Desk on which we love to pound.

  13. We’re thankful for the trail of blood which we know to be true.

    We’re thankful for the Sword of the Lord which causes so many others to spew.

  15. We’re thankful for our pleated pants which we always do wear.

    We’re thankful for our submitted women fold w/ their long unkempt hair.

  17. We’re thankful for Republicans which all American Christians must be
    We’re even thankful for the one Democrat we know who we pound mercilessly

    1. It has to be a joke. I think. I can see someone trying to TM it, but I can’t see that actually getting TM’d.

  19. We’re thankful for the Stuffing Fundies Like on which we all shall feast.

    We’re thankful for John’s Mom and her glorious Roast Beast.

  20. We’re thankful for our missionaries in some distant foreign town

    For every soul they wrangle, means for us another crown

    We’re thankful that they’re so faithful to the great commission

    Whether out among the masses or in the missionary position

    1. Wow. Just wow. I know you’re going to get harassed by our closet fundies, but that’s just freakin’ beautiful. 😆

    2. Love..it.

      I could really say something but I still sometimes attempt to give the impression that I’m a lady, and this is one of them. 😛

    3. We’re thankful we can get this crown, for twenty dollars per month
      And that we very proudly support three hundred different ones

      The dollar may not hold a strong exchange position
      But we will never alter our support or tradition

      We are thankful we make all our missionaries, visit us when they might
      We are thankful we make them pay, for all their own flights
      But most of all we’re thankful that we filled our world-map up with little red lights

      1. Little red lights? Ooooo! I’m in awe! We had yarn! All the pictures of the missionaries were arranged around the map and yarn went from their picture to a pin stuck in their mission field. Some sections did get a bit too entangled at times.

        1. What was the percentage of “Home Missions” to “Foreign Missions?”
          The Lion’s Share of our yarn was pinned down in the American Mid- to North- West. Montanna was a major vacatio..I mean… missions destination.

  22. All:
    We’re thankful for Soul-Stirring songs: our blessed hymnody.
    We’re thankful for the inspired book: our blood-bought KJV (1611).

    Parents:
    We’re thankful for The Rod and belt: applied to make’em wise.
    We’re thankful for the bruise and welt that purges out the chaff.

    Children:
    We’re thankful for the Bible felt: Bet’ Lukens flannelgraph.
    We’re thankful for the preacher’s praise: his fly-leaf autograph.

    All:
    Above all else we give our thanks (at least three times a day)
    For food to eat and sober drink and Ryan’s grand buffet.

    1. @george, tsk, tsk… parents were supposed to chant:

      We’re thankful for The Rod and belt: applied to make’em wise.
      We’re thankful for the bruise and welt the tender, bleary eyes.

      1. As a kid, I LOVED when my mom taught with flannel graph. She be trying to put together her lesson at home, and I’d be taking all the pieces and sticking them to everything.

    1. I’m thankful for the fertile imagination in which the white piano lives.

      I’m thankful for the the naked King who exfundies still see clothed.

      (Doesn’t rhyme, but I’m running out, and wanted to get this in.)

  24. I’m thankful for the SFL blog on which we love to mock.

    I’m thankful Reader Mo survived the flesh eating bacteria flock.

    (Lame but I gave it a shot.)

  26. We’re thankful for ol’ glory, and the homeland of our kin
    We’re glad the flag’s not graven, ’cause that would be a sin

    We’re thankful for the founding fathers, those Baptists, every one
    So let’s all be rebaptized by the light of the river-mural’s sun

    (Alternate ending: we’re thankful for our savior, God’s pale white American Son)

  27. We’re thankful for so many sinners for whom we all can pray.

    We’re thankful for the off brand bulk version of Glade bathroom spray.

  28. We be thankful for the hope of an air-conditioned Hell
    Knowing that Hyles, Ruckman, Gray and the rest would sure think it’s swell!

  29. We’re thankful we know evolution to be a dirty lie
    We’re thankful we will leave earth soon, for lo the end is nigh!

    We’re thankful we can homeschool to educate our young
    We’re thankful for the rod to chastise the high-strung

  30. We’re thankful for the rapture, when we’ll be swept away.
    We’re thankful that done here on earth, the rest will have to pay.

    We’re thankful for the fundy u, were we surely send our kid,
    We’re thankful we call ourselves brothers/sisters in Gid.

  31. We’re thankful for the glorious altar call
    For it is there we must surrender all

    We’re thankful for the tithes and missions giving
    Even though we don’t have enough to make a decent living

  32. Guys, this is all pure art. Seriously, kindly get this together, publish, sell a poster so I can buy one for my fundy Mom, stat! (serious).

  33. We’re thankful to God, the king of heaven
    We’re thankful we’re God’s loaf, lacking any leaven

    Unlike those Methodist all puffed up with yeast
    We all know heresy is their ‘love feast’

  34. I thank gid for calling me to be a pastor’s wife –
    Sell myself at F.U. instead of getting a life.

  35. Thank you gid for not making me like other women.
    Pants, shorts, opinions are very much forbidden.

  36. Thank you, gid, for demanding fixed roles in all marriage.

    For men who cook and clean and care will be disparaged.

    1. My husband made dinner the other night. I told him that his fundy brothers wouldn’t approve.

      He didn’t care. 😛

  37. We’re thankful for our Pastor, whom we have no need to question.
    We’re thankful that he can download porn, and not be led to transgression.

    We’re thankful for our skirts, culottes, and Laura Ashley blouses.
    For it is these items, that make up perfect spouses.

    We’re thankful for visitation, just us girls in the ghetto.
    We’re thankful that we never had to scream for the po-po.

    We’re thankful for our silence, as we women must not speak.
    For only a proper fundie wife shall be both, dumb and meek.

  38. We thank you for the visitors that grace our holy place.
    And pray they don’t infect us with their filthy godless ways.

    We thank you for our righteousness and all our pious masters,
    And pray you’ll smite the church ‘cross town (those compromising bastards).

    We thank you for white shirts and ties and skirts down to the floor,
    And pray that Sister So-n-so will stop dressing like a whore.

    We thank you for the old-time hymns we sing with somber faces,
    And pray you’ll curse that CCM that came from heathen races.

    We thank you for our freedom to knock doors and hand out tacts,
    And pray we never find ourselves in a neighborhood of blacks.

    We thank you for the funds we gave to make Pastor’s dreams fruition,
    And now we pray a miracle to pay our kid’s tuition.

    1. Okay, the “neighborhood of blacks” line made me laugh, because its so sadly true.

      C Sunday School and I don’t need to say any more.

    3. *(those compromising bastards)
      * And pray that Sister So-n-so will stop dressing like a whore.

      *We thank you for the funds we gave to make Pastor’s dreams fruition,
      *And now we pray a miracle to pay our kid’s tuition.

      Hysterically funny….Yet sadly true!!!

  39. At this special time of year,
    I’m Thankful, yes indeed.
    For all my friends who post on here,
    Much love from Don; Godspeed!
    😎

    1. Hugs and love, Don.

      (Of course, I mean that in sentimental wording only, because as a woman I cannot hug you or I will be cheating on my husband and he can then ditch me freely beause I have cheated and take me in front of the church and have me kicked out and classified as a “wonton”…. Actually, I shouldn’t have said anything, because now I have put the image in your mind of hugging a woman that is not your espoused and therefore caused you to sin, which of course is my fault as the woman, because I’m wearing pants and mentioned hugging and so now therefore I’m officially a “wonton” and my husband and you will be carried on the men’s shoulders in the church because I have been exposed… So, now I must go to North Vietnam and be someone’s servant.)

        1. I have a feeling my mother’s going to be disappointed when I tell her I can no longer hug any woman who is not my spouse.

      2. And sometimes a hug is just a hug. We all need one every now and again.
        (but yes, I can vividly remember the sermon about not hugging someone who is not your spouse. To even touch someone else would be tantamount to adultery right there on the spot! It wouldn’t suprise me if he [the one who preached that sermon] doesn’t get a job with the TSA when he gets out of prison.) 😕

        1. Of course, I was joking in my spiel.

          But, seriously, that’s how messed up in the head these guys are! Seriously. How sexually oppressed/screwed up do you have to be that a mere hug from a female sends your brain into thoughts of a porn movie.

  40. Oh this is just too much fun – I have to try (even if Johnny gives me a look at the table tomorrow for playing on his site). I just love rhymes – and Tony R yours truly did speak to my heart, dearie… I could tell that was from your soul. Thank you so for sharing- I scribbled it down and sung it to the tune of “Amazing Grace” for my devotions today.

    I thank you for my clergy son, little Johnny is his name.
    His logic, reason and KJV puts everyone here to shame.

    I thank you for the people here whose hands would never shake
    the homo atheist women preachers – God’s only real mistake!

    I thank you Lord I’m not like these who know not right from wrong
    but sing with hands up in the air their loud obnoxious song.

    But most of all We thank Thee Lord for the gift you gave from heaven,
    the King of all Kings his name is James – the year was 16 eleven,

    and the book he wrote makes all who read I trow most quite astonie,
    for in it’s words we comprehend and KNOW so perfectly.

    So let no one doubt my sweet son John – t’was such an angry tyke!
    Thanksgiving to our God above for stuffing fundy’s like!

    2. Wonderful. And, we love John even if he hates us 😛 I think we should all hold him down and kiss him. As a former-uber-fundie, that’s what I want to do with them all now, especially if they’re the mean, bitter sort. Love the ugly out of them.

      1. Lest anyone raise an eyebrow, I meant kissing on the head and face.

        I’m not THAT “wonton”. 😛

        (BTW, “wonton” is a word husband and I use for “wanton”, because we’re crazy. Since we’ve left fundyland, we’re a crazy bunch now)

  42. We’re thankful we’re not Anglican or even Lutheran
    We’re thankful we do not sing psalms or wave Palm Sunday palms

    We’re thankful we don’t have Lessons-we only need proof texts
    We’re thankful for the Good Old Paths, where liturgy ain’t found.

    1. We’re thankful that Advent is something we must never utter.
      We’re thankful that any link to the Catholic faith, certainly makes us shutter.

  43. K, this is breaking with the flow a bit, but I had to post some reall thankfulness to God on Thanksgiving. So here goes…

    Thank You for Your loving grace – new with the morning dew,
    Help us show to those around us, a love reflecting You.

    Thank You for Your Spirit – changing us within,
    Your power, not our standards, keeping us from sin.

    Thank you for fixing my broken soul, and giving me a song,
    Thank you for not forsaking us, even when we’re wrong.

    Thank You for our liberty, for freedom from earning favor.
    Thank You for full acceptance – we are heirs with our Savior.

    Thank You for Your wonders, and everything You do;
    No man behind a pulpit, will ever compare with You.

    Thank You also for this site, and for the grace to see:
    When men abuse or fail us, You are still our joy, comfort and relief.

    Give us thankfulness and humility, in all we think and do.
    My God and my Savior, may we be like You.

    A Thanksgiving Prayer for SFL
    By John Fritz

  44. I’m thankful for the enormous profits that Papa Darrell makes
    I’ll gladly click the ad icons to help the with all the laughter SFL makes.

  46. We’re thankful for the wayward sheep who gather round our table.
    We’ll gladly cut them down to size as much as we are able.
    Like carving knife on turkey, we’ll skewer and we’ll slice
    And serve guilt and accusations along with squash and spice.

    2. It’s frustrating I know. Know your cyberfamily here has your back, and we support what ya’ll are doing with the church. If I lived near we (my family)would come visit and fellowship some. Hang in there sis.

  47. Breakfast the morning, my dad definitely prayed his anti-Catholic rant as loud as he thought he could get away with for a goodb 3 minutes. Lord have mercy.

    1. For the record, I didn’t feel uplifted or blessed, just dirty. I washed my hands afterwards, and am not OCD.

  48. I am thankful that after the prophecy conference and that Hal Lindsey book, the rapture i’m a hopin’
    I am thankful that I wear my suit and tie every time the doors are open.
    I am thankful that sign gifts have ceased and the only gifts that remain are for service,
    which is why my wife believes that singing and working in the nursery is her only purpose.
    I am glad that there is no more apostle or prophet…only pastor,
    which is why we are “independent” from accountability, headed for disaster.

  49. I’m thankful that my life is filled with neither strife nor schism.
    It’s been that way since I decamped from fundamentalism.

  50. I just logged on after a very rough week. The wife was dealing with serious pain and health issues. The doctors would send us to ER, ER would send us home and tell us to talk to the doctors. repeat twice. $$$$. I’m sure others can relate to that. This post and replies have generated a lot of smiles and laughs. Thanks all.

    I’m thankful for blog SFL and all who post thoughts there.
    I’m thankful for a God who loves, and clean underwear.

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