To follow up on that last post, here’s a helpful bingo game for anyone who is about to listen to a fundamentalist sermon:
Click to embiggen.
Posted by Darrell
So, what does one yell out when one gets Fundy Bingo?!
Holy mother of God?
“Get me out of here!”
“I’m leaving now” then run like all holy hell in case someone starts stalking you.
As a woman, I’m not sure I’d be allowed to yell out anything.
You can yell it to your husband when you get home.
You should ask Jack Schaap what you’d be allowed to yell.
I’d be too scared that he might slap me! (Then again, I’m not a grandmother, so maybe I’d be safe.)
Preacher’s wid FTW!
(Said as one word)
Awesome Darrell, but thereâ€™s not enough â€˜bashingâ€™ options on there. There should at least be bashing options for new-evangelicals, pentecostals, and the younger generation.
oooh! oooh! And there need to be different versions of the Fundie Bingo. Like for Spirit-filled, Full Gospel Baptists, Nondenominational(alot like number one), and Pentacostals(or just have more boxes where you could make it one size fits all and all you have to do is switch out the name of the church)
Also things that need to be added:
-women’s role in the home/church
-sexual purity(no making purple!)
-Sermon on Alcohol(how evil it is)
-sermon illustration which makes pastor/church look “super Godly” and regular christians/nonbelievers seem evil/demon possessed
it goes on….
I triple dog dare someone to play this in a fundy church, stand up, and yell “Bingo!” (or one of the options listed above) when you win.
If you go to a church that the sermon can win you the game, no one’s going to even notice your “HAY-men” anyway…unless you’re a woman. Then there will be stares of scorn and probably a stern lecture from the “sacred desk.”
In the Southern Baptist Church I used to go to, ten of these would definitely fit, with a few more taking on a more subtle tone, or mentioned only a few times over a pastor’s tenure.
During a Fourth of July Sermon, “Christian Nation” would certainly be a central theme, but he would criticize both parties, while not mentioning what was wrong about The Republicans. To the pastor’s credit, on a particular Fourth of July Weekend service, twelve years ago, he did vaguely allude about an economic crisis, he said “It would make The Great Depression look like a picnic”. Ten years later, we came close to experiencing that, sort of.
The previous pastor, would state that the Pro-Life cause was not a political issue because there are ” both Pro-Life Republicans and Democrats”. Which was true, but something else was strongly implied there.
As was “I’m not telling you who to vote for . . . .”
He did dismiss his Assistant Pastor for being a Calvinist, thought that Christians should more or less give up popular music forms (CCM music forms seemed okay), and he and his daughter thought that we were too passive towards our Catholic neighbors. I think they were experiencing a bit of culture shock, after leaving the Bible Belt.
Everyone should be able to fill in the middle square within five minutes or it’s not a “real” fundamentalists sermon and the speaker is likely an apostate AMEN? (said with my hand to my ear while looking out to the crowd)
Note that this must be pronounced “HAY-men” not “AH-men” in order to qualify.
Arrgh! That whole hay-men thing drives me around the bend.
I counted nine squares that would automatically get filled for each and every sermon, no matter what the topic.
Wait, this is rigged! One shout about how people should listen to the sacred desk instead of the gay Democrats and the game is over.
Can I get an Amen?
Can there be double points for getting multiple ‘bingos’ in a service?
There needs to be a square for squeezing an additional sermon into the prayer before the offering (or the prayer after the regular sermon, or the prayer before the regular sermon, etc. etc.).
good one…and another for preaching against “slacks” on women.
And yet another moniker from blessed fundyland! *big smile*
Darrell, you either need to sell these at the store as sheets or make it another shirt.
I vote for a shirt. There still isn’t a shirt for Don’s fundy archenemy graph.
I second that! They have journals at cafepress. You should put the bingo game on the front of one of those. That way people can play bingo while they’re pretending to take notes.
HAHA! Awesome idea!!
I just had a vision of all the students during opening revival at Fundy U. secretly filling this out while pretending to take notes – and then someone standing up and shouting “Bingo” halfway through the service. Of course, at Fundy U. Florida that would be “disrupting a service” and the winner would be automatically shipped.
At Fundy U. Cali shouting during the service is a mark of spiritual maturity. “Bingo!” would go nicely with “Preach it, Brother!” and “Tree that coon!”
“Tree that coon!”
Seriously? People actually yell that out during sermons (excuse me, “sermons”)? Wow. That’s a new one for me!
If I yelled out “BINGO” and got shipped I’d personally count it as a win
Darrel, you have outdone yourself. You are the fundy comedy master . I bow to your supremacy.
I have to give credit to SFL reader Ron who suggested a Bingo card. Truth be known, most posts on here are a team effort.
triple points if you can fill the sheet up
But only if it’s in one sermon.
i did something like this in my church with my friends. it was with certain phrases my pastor would always say. he knew we did it and was cool with it so when i got bingo once i just said it out loud in service… he thought it was funny
There’s a book called “101 Things to Do During a Dull Sermon.” It came in quite handy in college chapel. We did a bingo card from it as well.
Don’t forget “Arrowing Individuals” as well.
You need several sheets like this, Darrell. You forgot the classics “a woman’s place is in the home”, “separate”, “heathen”, and “brags on how he’s never strayed”.
Awesome! I wish I had this back when I attended Fundy U.
It would definitely help keep your attention from wondering during the service.
It would keep it from wondering and wandering! And if it kept it from wandering you might begin to wonder why you have been going to that church in the first place.
“Unfortuneatly, there are no winners in this game except those who quit playing.”
The coupe de grace
I agreed! Excellent hidden comment!
you forget “talks about how the moment he got saved he fell in love with tithing, soulwinning, 7 services a week, prayer breakfasts, and tracts and if you were a true Christian, you would be too”. But I guess that’s a bit big to fit.
Oh, how I’ve heard all those! *bangs head against desk* That could be summed up with “Brags about his superior spirituality.” (Or whatever the appropriate term would be; I think I may be losing my touch! *does a dance of joy* )
I used to joke that my fundy pastor repeated enough phrases that I could make a drinking game out of it. Love the Bingo idea even more!
So a few switches on *my* fundy preach’s bingo board:
Switch bashes calvinists with bashes existentialists and/or humanists. Switch “jokes about his wife” with “jokes about the congregation” (yep). Swicth “refers to America as a Christian Nation to refers to America as non existent within the prophecy (usually mention on Sunday evening newspaper prophecy hour(s).
My husband & I will have to bring this when we visit my parents’ Fundy church at Thanksgiving!
One of the best posts here so far!! LOL I was planning on avoiding attending my family’s fundy church next time I visited my hometown, but now I’m not sure if playing Fundy Bingo wouldn’t make it worthwhile!
We can play it together!!
Actually we’re having a revival type service next month, I’ll see how I do
NOTHING could make me want to go to a fundy church again. Well, except maybe this….
Me too. I would rather pull weeds than go to a fundy church…but this does sound fun.
I wish there were an online way that we could play this–you know, everybody listen to the same sermon at the same time and mark our cards, just to see who gets Bingo first.
Or perhaps a phone app that can be played by attendees in churches around the country.
First prize could be free therapy.
Well, I was going to offer a pound of coffee, but I guess free therapy would be more appropriate.
That is an AWESOME idea, I saw so many fundies and my former church playing with their phone during the sermons, they might as well play this! Especially the teens. It might help some escape sooner! Surely someone on this site is geeky enough to invent this, with the multiple cards. Winner of an idea!
My above post was @Darrell
BTW, the card really does lack the ubiquitous reference to the necessity of a woman to dress modestly. More pointedly, it ought to have a square about how women should not wear slacks. No matter what sermon Jeff Owens starts out preaching, that’s the sermon he always ends up preaching (unless he’s preaching about what a godly teenager/college student he was).
Whoops. That is a bit of a glaring oversight.
Well, Bingo cards are mixed and matched. No two are supposed to be exactly alike. No single card has all the possible entries. So when you produce a set of them, that’s one that might even deserve to go into the center square…..
I was thinking you could do topical Bingo cards: you know, one for “Modesty,” one for “Tithing,” “Haircuts,” “Revival…” since that’s how they preach anyway.
Suggested additions for other Bingo cards:
* Three to Thrive
* Mentions the Building Program – again
* Those ungodly students attending other colleges
* Perversions (reference to modern versions, not naughty fundy pastors – obviously!)
* Umbrella of Authority
* Disses every other local church in the area
* Preaches against eeeeeevil former members
* Preaches about secondary separation
* Says accreditation is wrong
* Asks for another verse of “Just as I Am”
To Dissing other churches, and secondary seperation were my churches/schools faves, and some of the easiest to debunk.
I guess our church isn’t as fundy as I thought. I played this game this morning during the sermon (it was actually a pretty good sermon, too!), and I only got one space. He asked for an Amen.
I just got blackout!
As I randomly decided to attend my old IFB church today, I decided to do this this evening. Granted, I didn’t have a hard copy, but I just remembered what I could and then filled it in at home. Had 3 going two ways! I think if I go again, then I should have a few hard copies. AND if I decide to torture myself at a men’s retreat at the end of this month, I should take a few to see if I can at least win a few times!!
The only real “BINGO” problem I see with this card is that there is no free space. The center square should be a free space just for knowingly and willingly attending an IFB or other Fudny service.
LOL. add to fundy gear.
Anybody good with writing code that could randomly generate cards to make this into a working game? I can’t say that I ever relish crossing the threshold into one of these places again but I know it’s probably inevitable after having spent the first 25 years of my life in one.
This is me asking permission to put this in the bulletin (Actually it’s more of a handout) this Sunday.
LOL. Only if you scan one in and send it to me for my trophy wall.
I nominate this post for the best of 2010!
I second the motion!
I can’t seem to think of anything witty to say about anything lately (I think I also suffered from a sense-of-humour-eating bacterium) but I must make a matter-of-fact unfunny statement about this post:
Since leaving fundyism, I had never had a desire to step foot inside a fundy church…until now. I would LOVE to print this out and bring it to one of those pastor’s-pet-peeve-bitching-and-yelling-sessions that they call a serman. There’s a fundy church that broadcasts its services early on sunday mornings. I might play this at home one day. It’ll have to be a day that I’m not going to my actual Church though, cause I’d probably be chuckling for days after playing this.
Forgive my over-hyphenation.
I am tempted to listen to a sermon from my old fundy church just to see how well it plays! I will make some adjustments ahead of time to use some of that lousy pastor’s pet phrases.
You left out “miry clay.”
Ooooh I did this when we had an evangelist come a few weeks ago. I made my own though, some of these he never touches on.
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