Anti-Climaxes
Remember all the hype about the “Bible Burning” at Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, NC? Well, it didn’t exactly go as planned. In fact, there wasn’t any actual burning to speak of. In the first place it rained. Then it turns out that there’s a law against burning paper in North Carolina and the [...]
Redrawing the Lines
A favorite fundy illustration is imagining that God’s laws are like a line drawn in the sand and that breaking a law is crossing that line. Not content to leave well enough alone, the fundamentalist then goes on to add this inevitable statement: “A lot of you like to stand with your toes right on [...]
Making “A Joyful Noise”
“Y’all pray for me now, I ain’t practiced much.”
Old-Fashioned Sundays
Wear anything less than your Sunday best to a non-denominational church and fundies will declare that you are a liberal compromiser with itching ears who is giving less than your best to God. On the other hand, if you wear overalls and a straw hat to fundamentalist church on a previously agreed upon Sunday, that’s [...]
FWOTW: Barbara’s Blessings
“If you are interested in joining this group of godly, fundamental, Christian ladies who use only the King James Version of the Bible, then this is the place for you.” But be warned: “Use only KJV when posting scripture of any kind, or it will be deleted. I will not tolerate gossip or backbiting of [...]
Faking Cheerfulness
Are you letting the joy of Jesus show on your face? Never mind that He was a man of sorrows. Let’s ignore that the king upon who’s throne He sits spent a lot of time writing depressed poetry and music. Just put out of your mind the weeping and lamenting prophets. Just let the joy [...]
CAPS LOCK DURING ONLINE DEBATES
BECAUSE WHO REALLY NEEDS A WELL-CONSTRUCTED ARGUMENT WHEN YOU’VE GOT VIRTUAL VOLUME WHEREWITH TO BLAST THE LIBRALS, BACKSLIDERS AND COMPROMISERS?
Sunshine on the Soapsuds
If your fundamentalist church ran its own radio station (as an inordinate number do) you’ve probably heard these words pouring forth from your radio: The Bible says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1). Each day, Beneth Peters Jones shares with you spiritual helps for [...]
